If eyes are really the window to the soul then hugs are the language of the heart. What a man says or does can say a lot about what he thinks, but nothing gives away what he’s feeling like the act of wrapping you up in his arms and holding on tight. Here are just some of the things a hug can give away about a guy, good or bad.
- Obligatory hugs are obvious as hell. This kind happens when you enter a room full of people and he hugs you only because he’s hugging everyone else, or when he offers a rough one as thanks for the fun you just had in his bed but doesn’t bother to give you a kiss. It’s awkward and you don’t know whether to hug back or just stand there motionless. A guy giving that kind of hug is making you a firm resident of the friend or friends with benefits zone, and he wants it to stay that way.
- If he only hugs you behind closed doors, it could be a red flag. You deserve someone who has no problem showing you and his feelings for you to the world. When he’s only willing to hug you when no one is around, ask yourself why he doesn’t want to be seen being close to you in public. Maybe try to hug him in a group and see what happens. If he acts like he’s been touched by the plague, he doesn’t want what you want.
- Quickies don’t only refer to sex—they happen with hugs too. Some hugs are so fast, you blink and wonder if you imagined it or if it really happened. These hugs show that he’s either not interested or so nervous that he’s scared to hold on too long. It may get better with time but if you think he’s into you and is just too scared to say it, bring it up and see what happens. Guys like a woman who can take the reins and show initiative.
- When he initiates contact, he wants to be close to you. Douchebags and guys who just want attention will always wait for the woman to make the first move. They’re otherwise distant and don’t seem like they care about being around you. But if he’s opening his arms and wrapping you up without you beating him to it, he wants to feel your body near his. These hugs are sensual, comfortable, and always feel right, no matter the situation.
- Two arms means “I never want to let go.” There’s such thing as a good one-armed hug, but getting one from a guy shows that he isn’t serious about you. If he’s using both arms then he isn’t satisfied with the bare minimum and he’s going to be that way in all aspects of the relationship. Real men aren’t afraid to show how they feel and when he puts his whole body into the hug, he’s proving he’s one of them.
- If he hesitates before pulling away, there’s more he wants to say. Sometimes men aren’t sure how to find the words they’re looking for, so holding on for an extra beat is their attempt to get the feeling across. Maybe he isn’t sure how you’ll react or just isn’t ready to admit what he’s thinking, but if he’s trying to get a message to you through the contact, hopefully you’ll catch on.
- The best hugs feel like standing snuggles. There’s a huge difference between a nice hug and one that’s so comfy and cozy that you’d rather be lying in bed. When you’re getting hugs like that, he’s in love with you and can’t picture his life with anyone else. These hugs are intoxicating and leave you feeling both rejuvenated and breathless at the same time.
- When his entire body collapses, he needs you. Letting you hold him when he’s breaking down is the ultimate sign of vulnerability. Whether he vents, cries, or just relaxes silently in your arms, his ability to let you take on that role shows how much he trusts you and what you have. It’s nice to be taken care of, but every once in a while, being on the other side feels pretty good.
- Warm, solid hugs mean he wants to keep you safe. Maybe you’re upset and need comforting, or maybe you just need to recharge your battery. When he’s using all his energy to give you positivity, warmth, and strength, he’s being honest with himself and with you about the depth of his feelings. Let it sink in and let it feel incredible.
- If every hug feels like the last, he’ll never take you for granted. We all like to think we have our whole lives ahead of us, but the truth is we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. When he knows how special you are, every time he embraces you, he’s going to take it in as if he won’t get the chance again. He’ll appreciate you for all you are, and with him in your life, everything will be a bit brighter.
The way a guy hugs isn’t everything and it’s definitely no substitute for actually communicating with him to see how he’s feeling. However, if you’re trying to read his body language, this is a great place to start. Guys aren’t all that big on words, so you’ll have to be extra clever to figure out where his head is at.
Why hugs from the guy you’re dating are so important
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You’re probably more interested in kissing and other intimate stuff when you’re in a relationship, but don’t discount more G-rated forms of affection as well. Hugs from the guy you’re seeing have a number of beneficial effects not only for you as a couple but individually as well. Here’s why you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out a bit more.
- Hugs increase those feel-good hormones. Being physically close to the person you love (or like a whole lot if you’re not quite at the L-word stage just yet) just feels nice. As relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr explained in an interview with GoodtoKnow, “When you have physical contact through cuddles your body produces the love and well-being hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin makes you feel good around your partner and that feel-good effect is carried with you after physical contact.”
- They make you more comfortable with each other. Hugging someone is an intimate act. If you’re not someone who’s generally not all that touchy-feely, you know all too well how awkward it can be when someone likes hugging and you… really don’t. That’s why it’s so special and intimate when you hug a romantic partner. The hugs you share with a guy you’re seeing bring you closer together and make you more comfortable with each other because you’re okay being vulnerable with them (or at least you’re willing to try).
- They make you feel loved and cared for. Anyone can have sex or even make out, but hugging implies a sense of care and affection that the others don’t. Maybe that’s because you’re literally wrapped up in his arms and you feel safe and protected. Maybe it’s because you know what he’s like when he’s not hugging you and the moment of quiet intimacy shows you a whole new side to him. Whatever the case, hugs from the guy you’re with just make you feel happier and more secure.
- Physical touch is so important. Given that we’re all so addicted to our phones these days and are more used to communicating via text or email, when we get to actually connect face to face, skin to skin with someone we like, it’s amazing. Physical touch is the first thing we experience when we’re born and just because we’re adults now doesn’t mean it’s any less important. It staves off loneliness and can even boost your immune system.
How to get the guy you’re seeing to be more into hugs
If he’s not all that physically affectionate but you’d like him to be, there are a few things you can do to encourage him.
- Cuddle up in bed for a chat. When you’re reeling off the events of your day and want to enjoy some quiet decompression time with your guy, why not have your chats in bed? There, you’re lying down and feeling comfortable, so he’ll be way more likely to want to be affectionate, even if it’s just having you rest your head in the crook of his arm.
- Put yourself out there. If you want him to be more affectionate and throw more hugs your way, maybe you should initiate sometimes. Don’t just wait for him to come to you – reach out to him as well! You may find that while he’s not one to initiate this kind of affection all that often, he’s more than receptive when you do it.
- Talk to him about how you feel. Perhaps this guy isn’t that into hugs because he’s never really had a lot of them in previous relationships. In this case, opening up about how you feel and what you’d like from him could do the trick in helping him to get more into the idea. It’s certainly worth a try!
- Be receptive when he does make small gestures. If he’s not all that physically affectionate but he is trying, show appreciation for his efforts, no matter how small they are. The more encouragement he gets and the more appreciation you show, the more likely he is to branch out a bit more. You never know, he just might turn into a major cuddler in no time!